not getting better

I am in lost.

It is 1/1/2010,a new day and first day for the start of 2010.My heart is filled,with the feels that too complicated until I cannot even describe it. All feelings mixed up and turn my heart into a palette which had terribly-after-storm-colors. Blue is for lost and depress and unhappy,red is for passion and enthusiastic and warmth,purple is for sadness in elegance,white is for purity of our friendship and this unpolluted happy gathering,black?is the space for U. A space to miss u and the need u and wait u and love u.

Haiz...i am heaving my eternity sigh again!But why?i need a reason for me-myself. Why am I always fell in a relationship with miles and miles of distance between us?Is this also part and parcel of my life too?My nerve is breaking and my heart ached when u complaint or dismayed for my absence in either your activities or your daily life. Am I the 1 who r being selfish in our love mission?

I am disorienting too. Is love still a task which too hard for my vulnerable soul?

zigzag-ing

Today is a rare strange day that filled with kinds of emotions and feelings.

I had had a bad mood today due to my mum”s playing tantrum after she came home from her workstation,but that is not the main point for me to record this memorial.

I had have a new partner in my life journey and I found that I am quite amuse by this thought^^maybe that is what I really desired for.

Love is something very weird or in better enhanced word : POWERFUL ~
something that will makes ur life become so different even without a safety cautious warning. Love is dangerous it can excavate ur heart and let you cry until u think u will be dying soon and it can also ease ur heart easily with some non-carbohydrate-contained sweeties. Can u see the way that I am pointing or refering at?

Im just a teen which had fall in love.

dilemma

我想知道在你眼里的我会是什么样子

我想知道当你发现我其实并不如你想象中那么美好时

你

会怎么做？

我很不安

因为我知道自己其实没有你想象中的那么好


对于你的追求

我并不感到讶异

只因我能感觉到

你对我的感觉

就如我对你的感觉般

如此真实

如此贴近

如此美好。。


但是我们之间有着距离

而且不短。

不是以米或者厘米计算的距离

而是心与心之间的空间与温度


你刚从一段感情中

解脱

5年是段不短的岁月

你

能在被放开和放开后

立刻马上投入另一段感情吗？

请不要让我怀疑你们男人对感情的投入与忠诚度。


另一个让我深感不安的证据是

你不常想到我。

或是在你的世界里

这已经是你频繁的证明

但，在我的世界里

不是。

有事的话

请你和我说一声

好吗?

距离已经存在了

为何你还要拉长它？

我想我没有资格提出这种要求

因为我不是的谁


我一直等着你的信息

等待着那信铃的响起

我等待的煎熬你了解吗？


或许我一辈子都不会告诉你我的想法

不要问我为什么

因为这就是我

或者说

因为现在还没有必要

和你坦诚相对。


人性都是不堪揭露的

唯有真爱才经得起考验

我们之间有吗？

我又多想了

哈哈

明明只是普通朋友= =


但是

你很荣幸

因为你能牵动起我的喜怒哀乐

或许蛮久以后

我还会记得你

甚至

写下文章纪念你带给我的曾经欢喜与忧愁



我很缺乏安全感

你

能给我吗？


现在

我选择不回你的信息

因为

我想要你

打给我

哄哄我。

理智的另一段扯着我

别回信

别让他哄你

别让他就这样

闯进你的生命里

留下太深的足迹


但是

还来得及吗？

离家@舍

离家会是一种什么样的感觉呢？


曾经我是个爱飞的孩子，总是向往着城堡以外的天空，梦想着无拘无束的自由。曾经我是那么的望眼欲穿着急的想要离开急着想要舒展我僵硬的羽翼向外飞翔。

如今机会已得。奈何自问心境竟是些许的惶恐夹杂不安。。我该如何是好，即使心里已有明确的方向却还是忍不住的担忧。我该如何是好啊！

扪心自问，自己终究只是个孩子。17岁，该是天真无邪的年龄。

怎，我却开始发愁了。

这是一条我自己选择的道路丫，到不熟悉的世界去闯，到全新的环境去适应，一切一切的到，皆因我的离。正如佛经所说，有舍才有得。

我舍的是我所熟悉的一切，放的是让我安定成熟似乎感觉不再漂泊的家。而我的得呢？

还看不见，还不知道。

所以有时不得不说，人生真的是一场下大赌注的冒险，因为你永远不会知道你的牺牲换来的是什么。但有句话很对：不牺牲，不冒险

你就永远都不会知道，你的下一步是什么；你的人生路能走多远，你的眼界能多开阔，就看现在这一脚步的抉择了。

而我选择离开。

离开温暖，离开保护，离开安定，离开平安。

走向勇于创立新主张，勇于认清自己，勇于面对世界的

自己。

有舍才有得。

之所以离开，

是为了能够，

再次的回来

i need u

we spent our time in redbox for 2-3hours
n in harris for almost 1 n a half hours
we spent more than 1/2 of our day togather
by today^^

u all know wat?
i feel good
when we were in redbox
i felt warmth beneath me
tats wat true n stable relationship bring
i think?

in harris
when we share the pictures on the books
wonders of the world,100 greatest fims,places in the world
n everything
let me feel so so wonderful
its amazing tat deep inside me

im not furious nor even desperate
when u all stop me or try to forbide me to buy the book with name 孤独癖
i can feel concerness
in u all's voice
however
u all still defeat by my persistent
but tats the end word^^
haha
how much i like u all^^

now
in the almost middle of the night
i want to share something
some of my great feeling
with ....
with who?
i wonder
there is no1 i can talk with
but im bless
to have my blog
at least to express
right?^^

ps:everytime when i wrote my blog.i tried to use interesting phrases,to fulfill my perfection.but this time,im not going to enhance nor elaborate anything.every of them
r my heart.

bread+butter

bread+butter = u'd cursed
yes
so if u r eating any-food-related-butter
licked it
before u finish it in a mouthful
n get food poison

FOOD POISON
a nouns tat i think had disappear or never ever appear in my life
had intruded
during my precious spm-exam-period

two days ago
i had eaten pieces of bread with kaya+butter
n resulted in
diarrhea n vomit unstop-ably
n
i had been sent into the hospital for emergency
as my limbs cramped n numb
n no oxygen can fight into my lungs successfully

things never end easily as ppl thought
when my innocent mind was out of caution's area
n think i may hav a good day on my today's exam
tats certainly was another terrible mistake i'd made
my stomach was the first warrior which made demonstration
n my gastric intestine colon followed
like brainless or something tat only knows to follow
ops
pardon
they r really brainless.

exam start in 8 o'clock in the morning n end 330 afternoon
the revolt started accurately after 1030 n didnt end untill now
what else can i say since my digestive system true-ly work as a system,
so united n systematic?

大腦自動保衛系統

我相信他的存在
因為失去了你
以後
我告訴自己
我討厭狗
我害怕狗

當故意被塵封的回憶
被重新翻起
我想也是時後走出過去了

狗狗
我總是在曾經里
迷路打轉
你願意再來帶領我這個笨笨的主人走出過去嗎?
我相信你一定不會迷路的
就像你永遠都在前頭等著我一樣
carpet
等我
我會走出以前的種種不堪和傷悲
並重新邁開新的步伐的
我答應你
也答應自己
把童年陰影丟掉
那不能當飯吃
把怨恨憤怒丟掉
把過去不滿通通丟掉
我就真的會重生

carpet
u dunno how much i love u
even me myself dunno why i love u so
but u left me alone again
and i had never blame u 4 tat

carpet
dis is a promise
only me n u
i will throw away all the burdens tat lay on me
n u
juz stay where u r
until i find u
or try to solve ur way
HOME
k?
love u,much n much.

carpet

親愛的
我昨天看見了你的同類
在馬路旁
流浪
在我們快樂的吃著火鍋時

它看起來好餓
於是我拿起食物丟向它
怎知它卻閃開了
眼里透露出害怕的光芒

是被人類傷害的太深了
導致陰影都忘了逃走
押或只是單純的生存的本能呢?

親愛的
我又想你了
在你失蹤的數年後

我不想說這是一片祭文
因為再未親眼見証你的死亡前
我相信你仍舊和我一起生活在同一起世界裡
享受著同一種美好空氣
這只是一點懷念
懷念失去你以前
那段奔跑的歲月

親愛的carpet
我想你了
別再讓我拿麼憂傷了
好嗎?
回家吧
我們正等著你呢
希望這多年以來被證據壓藏在心底的呼喚
能喚回你