2011 I am coming!!!!!!!

Yet another year filled with self-loathing remorseful unhappiness sadness disappointment gruesome troublesome unfaithful unachievable giving up on myself my friends my classmates my family my churchmates my lord
ALL of these I am throwing away Now,at this very moment near end of 2010 bid a farewell to u guys negativity which was once my very old partners in life

Happiness cheerfulness caring lovely considerate achievement hopefulness positivity will attract by my extremely good magnetic field n babe of all come come come to MEEeeeeeee^^
I love my god love myself love my family love my friends love my classmates love my churchmates love myaccquaintances
N EVery strangers even everything on earth in universe
I Love u n longlive my love with this very existence !!!
Happy 2011 I love u~~still^^

relationship with God

Abba father or our father in heaven
his beloved son that died on cross for his sinful people,who is Jesus Christ.
to be honest,the thought n action to really write something bout me n god is a mind i never ever consider i will possess
not as if i do believe now
im still in mist of inexplicable incomprehensible but i do wan to write my affectionate towards my abba father n my beloved brother
as my church mates always told me
we r all his beloved children his princes and princess

i wan to jot down how He loves me how He help me through every hard situation how He encourage me to overcome every gap i thought were impossible to pass by n how He let me be the person i dream to be n even a more better human being in my own eyes n i do hope am a more better daughter to honor my lord in heaven too
follow all his wishes commands wills live in his purpose makes my life perfect
n His love satisfy my soul heal all my pain touch my deepest n softest part of my heart like no one ever been
He is like the one who come in my secret garden of soul n filled me with pure love joy peace gentleness and every good feelings in this earth n heaven
He is my savior
warrior
rabbi
father
n my everything
all joy n honor is urs,my father
may these few words can represent my thankful heart my gratitude mind
PRAISE GOD
amen.

两人分手后多年

在一个城市不期而遇



男：“你好吗?”

女：“好”

男：“他好吗?”

女：“好”



女：“你好吗?”

男：“好”

女：“她好吗?”

男：“她刚才告诉我她很好”

have been long

since i last posted my feelings and situation
i simply cnt bring myself to jot down any single thing
because i can never describe its complexity
but
the latest thing which overwhelmed me n ride rough shod over my mind was
betrayal.
the efforts i paid
the compassion i gave
the jobs i had done
was NOTHING
meaningless,
what am i in ur eyes?
how can u ever bear to let me suffered from all this suffocation?
u r so cruel yet ruthless
how can u ever did thaT to ME n pretend as if u do not know ?
stop acting
U R NOT INNOCENT

i cannot bring myself to hate u because i loved u once
i forgave u because grudge will cage my heart
but u ass
i m waving my words of sword indignantly
just like how u hurt me deeply with insulting phrases once
however my sword wont falls on u,
it will strike
through obstacle n emotional gaps i had taken as granted from u
my old hub my ex hon
do bear in mind
u can never keep skeleton in ur cupboard always
it will eventually drop out
n the skeleton head shall roll n touch all ur victims feet
be prepared
prepared for the day when u bow n apologize for what u've done that i knew n u knew
yet they who still keeping in the darkness of secrecy dont
the day is near
though speech of apology wont save u far

trash bin

i need a trash bin
i cant bear to tell anyone bout my bad mood n bad experience n bad feelings
for i know
negative emotions spread far more easy than positive's
i do not want any of my accquaintance to feel it
to feel how bad how terrible i am feeling now

am during the female suffer day
feeling extremely dizzy and pain
hang myself on n went to college
was hoping for a fresh start to wash away all my negativity
instead of that
my atm card was rejected by the (bad word)atm machine
when i was fighting with the machine's electric force to push my card back inside it
to protect itself virginity
the (bad wordsssss)machine actually exert pressure through my card n hurt my flesh between finger n nail><
it bleed man!
ok,i forgave the ignorance and gulible machine since it do not possess a brain

but one of my course mate whom certainly growth with brain cell
did throw my practical booklet until it tore when i went over to take it n also to give him the newspaper he wanted just to warn me not to go any closer and nearer?
what on earth?
have i been living in the moon before this?

the dxxnest which happened was
someone kicked the vinegar i bought n kept n brought to college for the chemistry practical
and my vulnerable glass vinegar-container
kissed with the cement floor
then
then
then
broke into pieces with splashed of last blood which color was pure clear-crystal
i sadly
picked up the last part of its bodies
n had an intimate close touch with its blood which made me nearly scream out due to the painfulness i felt of my wound
i understood,its soul was unrest.

last part of my dxxn day
i went to buy a new vinegar
when i was on my way
feeling extremely tired n feed up way
i'd received a msg
we had got vinegar,no worries.
OK.
i understood.
thats y i went home straightly n directly without even bother to tell anyone.

its sxxks to be a class rep
its even sxxks to ruin everything i had prepared for long
today was so suxxs until i wan to cry.

冷冷清清

冷冷清清淡淡
念家的我
恋人的心
时时刻刻
问着问着。。。
明月到底何时照我还？

跟好朋友保持距离
跟陌生人聊心事
心寒它的过于真实
丫或惊于它于自己的神似度？

文化不是差异
语言不是障碍
年龄不是问题
那么沟通方式呢？

家人

让我喘不过气
让我做不成真实的自己
我做什么都不对
那为何你们还要管？
让我做自己
让我做我该做的事
让我符合我的宿命
让我飞。

hey,man!

u knew wat u had done on me
and i knew tat exactly too
but tat dont drives me near u

i love u

now or before?
forever or present?

i have been tired of being what people expected me to be
tired of being someone who ppl loved
tired of wearing maskssss which cause sometimes i dun even know who i am
which one will be the real me
for only today？

moody is like a protection and armour
r u mask-ing it becoz of its security?
becoz tat can scare ppl off far away from u?
i dunno wat i am talking about now.

only when i pray
only when i can feel god's presence
my mind is at ease
only then i can rest
as HE will bring love n peace into my heart
GOD loves me
no matter who i am
no matter what i have done
cause ho understand me
even know me
deep more inside than me
as he had created me.
go with lord.
praise GOD.

何去何从？

曾经那么坚定的方向
彷徨了吗?
曾经那么远大的目标
因为现实的磨练
而
而淡忘了吗？
哈
我不准
我不许
你，
似个凡人般
忘记梦想
忘记飞翔
忘记快乐
忘记理想
忘记未来
。

我将带你通往你要的。
这是我对你的承诺
我会做到。
在这之前
不要让任何人事物
带你遁入
黑涯。

shall we be together,forever?

i know im asking too much
i know im insensible
just that
wat if we can stick together for all of our life
how awesome will tat be?
cant imagine tat rite^^
told u ~
tat will be simply wonderful.

i love u all so so so so so so(x100000000)much
i dunwan to separate with any of u
but the fact is impossible to be conquer by the virtual...
and im learning to accept it as a part n parcel of human's life
and also one of the vital district from growth cycle

i understand if we didnt separate
we will never learn what we have to
n we will all crammed in the same place n fighting for air and space
certainly n definitely
we deserved more than that
much more than.

so we all could bear the pain of segregation
for the day of success which will savor by us sweetly
we will learn more n meet more n be far more experience than
what we r now
we will grow
we will hurt
we will recover
and somehow we may lost some precious personality during our period
of war of survivor
but i sincerely hope tat n know tat
the tendency of our all's heart would never ever disappear

love u all deep in my heart n my soul
and i use to believe tat u all love me as different of my way but same of my depth too until forever^^
haha

相处少一点点期待，对人将更自在。

yeah
我们对人对事
常不自觉地带有深浅不一的期待
越是在乎深爱着的人
对对方的期待
就越是深沉
期待对方的热情期待对方的讨好期待对方的表现
于是
当我们的期待不被满足
就像饥渴的人不被餍足
失望透顶失落沙洲
而我们的彼方
又何罪之有？
善良的我们不忍也不能更不知如何怪罪
只好自己暗自内伤默默沮丧
只是为何我们要让自己活在如此卑微的期待和如此任性的别扭里？
何不就此解放自己的心灵解放所有的繁琐？
让心自在的飞扬
让人际关系轻舞飞翔
我们将更幸福更快乐更自在
解除期待误区，放开虚伪假装，我们将更自在。

hey,honey!

hey
honey!
u always ask me
how dare i to be a miss no n no n no?
i cnt give u an exact n precise answer as time we met often too short for longer n deeper conversation
so as a friend who loves u deeply
im going to press the cancel key of ur doubts n troubles here~
firstly,
we all have the right to say a "NO" to evryone n evrything
as we r the one who controls our life's direction
not others nor he she it
just us and just me and of coz just u.

"but how??!!i can't do it!im so scared i might irriate others and im a coward!"
listen,honey~
u r not a coward,u r braver than many others,
at least u no wat ur problem is n u try to overcome it
u r making ur life better! my sweetheart
the only option is
know who u r n wat u wanna be in ur life
we all need to find our position in this little complicated n much funs world with bit of determination n persistent of coz~
i suppose tats the answer u r chasing for?
or shall i make more details about it?
well,for example of my own,
when my mom said,
ok peggy u shall take an accountant course for i think it is good for u
then i will reply her
alrite mom,since u like tat course like hell,den maybe i can register it for u.
oh my,u dunnno how furious she is~hahahaha~

the secret is:
never obey n rely anything u know u dunwan
and dun ask me how i know i dunwan
wat if i love it after i give a try
yes,we cnt be so sure for things in this keep changing world
BUT
when i even feel struggle to think of how my life will become if i be an obedient cutie~i know directly i wont like it,at least now.I WOULD NOT.
just like how i hate my menstrual pain,i suppose~

so sweetie
now u know y n how i earn my nickname rite?
haha
n u hav no idea how much i like miss no n no n no
like i like my miss perfect lady~

life is equal
nothing ventured nothing gained
n stop thought grass on my side is greener then urs
just put some pepper onto it~
u can do it^^
kambateh~++++UUUUU!!!

stop it,im thinking.

我在思考着
我在烦恼着
哭泣酝酿着。

因为不愿放弃
因为还有希望
所以甘愿哭泣

把所有的所有
不甘的
不愿的
消极的
负面的
悲伤的
压力的

统统宣泄
然后重新开始

因为不是完全相信自己是
可以的
因为还很不安
因为感觉孤独
所以哭泣
把所有的恐惧
放下吧

迎向美好的光明前
总得先
拥抱
阴影。

a starting

another starting point to
another new world journey ,new world view ,new world value
im facing my new challenges bravely

my heart is calm n full with peacefulness
like lake without any reprises and ripples
im resting n recovering from the cruelness i'd met months
n preparing
for the life i had yearn for years

laptop college course books exam friends new environment
im prepared.
come ahead.
im stronger than ever

vex---ing

firstly
happy CNY and valentine to every1（whom only read my blog la,haha）
secondly
im in trouble==

minor major big minor small major

im tired

i cnt make any rational decision


my life is falling apart

and i want to shout out 'FUCK IT' loud!!!!!!

命中注定？

难道是命中注定？
5年来
不是没有拥有过爱情
但是
从没在5年的任何一个代表爱情的节日里
有情人的相伴

有时
不禁会哀呼道：
怎么会那么那么衰啊....
但一转身就会继续若无其事的微笑

我想
我是害怕寂寞的坚强伪装者。

我的心

我好累
我被一份无奈的约束给折磨的
不成人形。

我好倦
是因为家是人们的避风港
所以一回到属于自己气息的安全地时
就整个人瘫痪崩溃
无法掩饰了吗？

我想哭
天天面对自己无法解除的束缚
是一种多么强大的无力感

我无奈
是因为我没有选择权。

我只是一只任人宰割的猿。